Of course, you are. That is one of the byproducts of infidelity and one of the largest sources of pain. If not THE ONLY source. Feeling unworthy of someone’s love is perhaps the deepest pain on earth. It triggers our own sense of worthlessness. A sense that was inside of us way before we met that person. Something we never wanted to feel or heal because it is so extremely painful.
So what to do when you feel that hole at the bottom of your soul? When you feel absolutely alone, rejected, unloved and worthless?
I have found that there are countless ways to soothe those feelings. In fact, I have a list of them that is three pages long. There are many healthy ways to pull yourself out of that dark place, but I do I believe they are all derived from one thing. Love. Ironically, the easiest way to stop feeling unloved is to love.
On the surface that may sound absolutely challenging, but it is not. It can be done in the simplest and easiest of ways. Whether it is the love of yourself (the best in my opinion) or love of someone else or even… something else. Love takes the pain away. Love heals. When you feel absolutely and totally rejected and unloved, stepping outside yourself and showing, demonstrating or giving love is the cure-all.
So how to do this? It can be had in the simplest of acts.
Loving others: Kissing your child on the top of the head. Mindfully. With feeling. No words. Just a simple act. Texting a friend some words of support. No expectation of a conversation, just letting them know you are here. Thinking about them. Saying hello to the checker at the store. A genuine hello. Looking them in the eyes and showing them you SEE them.
Loving yourself: talking a moment to walk outside, and fill your lungs with fresh air. Remembering that you are alive and appreciating that your body is working every second of every day. Thanking it. Putting some hand lotion on your hands and mindfully appreciating the luxury of the feel and smell of it. Shaving your legs. Putting on a face mask. Conditioning your hair. Nurturing yourself.
Loving things: It may sound silly to demonstrate love to inanimate objects, but I don’t believe anything is inanimate. Everything is energy. They have proven that we can change the molecular structure of water, simply by sending it loving thoughts.
Today, I noticed that my plants had some dead leaves. I spent a few minutes trimming and pruning those dead leaves. With love. I walked into the garage and sent a little blessing to my motorcycle. Because it provides me so much joy. I genuinely appreciated my computer as I sit here typing. How amazing it is that I can communicate my thoughts and perhaps inspire someone through the magic of clicking away at these keys.
The point is, giving love, no matter to whom or to what, immediately snaps you out of your own sense of unlovability. It doesn’t so much matter WHAT we give love to, but HOW we give it. When we GIVE love, with mindfulness, intention, and generosity we at once feel that love for ourselves. When we love, we feel loved. When we love, we no longer question or worthiness of it. When we love, it no longer is about us and our pain. When we love, we are fulfilling our purpose here on this planet. When we simply love, we are no longer mired in our own fear, pain, hurt and trauma.
Though we have little control over the things that happen in our lives, we can choose how we feel. We can not control the triggers of our pain, but we can choose to not stay stuck in it. The things that happen a hundred times a day that sends our minds back into that trauma and pain. They will happen. You will never stop that. But each time you choose to love, each time you choose an act of love in response to that pain (rather than being swallowed up by it) you are learning the lesson that the betrayal is here to teach you. Choose love. Love for others and most importantly, love for yourself!